Late ADHD Diagnosis in Women: Why Emotions Feel So Intense - and How DBT Can Help

Nov 5

3 min read

For many women, being diagnosed with ADHD later in life feels like finally finding the missing puzzle piece. It can bring relief, eg. 'I’m not lazy or broken after all!' But this dianosis can also bring sadness about the years spent struggling without the right support.

What often surprises women most after diagnosis isn’t just the attention or focus difficulties, but the emotional rollercoaster that comes with ADHD.

Why So Many Women Are Missed Until Adulthood

ADHD doesn’t always look like the stereotype of a hyperactive boy bouncing around the classroom.

For many girls, it shows up as:

* Constant overthinking

* Daydreaming or zoning out

* Perfectionism and people-pleasing

* Exhaustion from keeping it all together

Because these traits can be mistaken for anxiety or just “being emotional,” many women don’t get diagnosed until adulthood- often during big life transitions like motherhood, career burnout, or perimenopause.

The Emotional Side of ADHD

ADHD isn’t just about attention- it’s also about emotion regulation.

Many women describe feeling things more deeply and reacting faster than others, for example emotion such as frustration, rejection, shame, excitement, sadness.

This happens because the same brain systems involved in focus and impulse control also manage emotional regulation. Research shows that adults with ADHD often have higher emotional sensitivity and lower frustration tolerance, leading to intense ups and downs (Soler-Gutiérrez et al., 2023).

Hormones can also play a role. During perimenopause and menopause, for example, lower estrogen levels can make ADHD symptoms, including mood swing, feel stronger (Osianlis et al., 2025).

How DBT Can Help You Find Balance

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) was originally developed to help people manage intense emotions, but recent studies show it’s also highly effective for adults with ADHD (Halmøy et al., 2022; Ulusoy et al., 2024).

DBT helps women build practical skills to:

Understand emotions rather than being ruled by them
Reduce overwhelm with tools for grounding and calming the body
Communicate effectively, even during conflict
Stay focused and mindful instead of getting caught up in spirals of self-criticism

These skills are broken down into four main areas:

1. Mindfulness: Staying present without judgment.

2. Emotion Regulation: Understanding and managing feelings before they explode.

3. Distress Tolerance: Surviving crises without making things worse.

4. Interpersonal Effectiveness: Setting boundaries and expressing needs clearly.

Many women find DBT gives them the structure and language they never had for understanding their emotions - turning what once felt chaotic into something they can navigate with confidence.

What the Research Says

A 2022 study found that adults with ADHD who completed DBT group programs had better focus, fewer mood swings, and improved quality of life (Halmøy et al., 2022).
Online DBT programs have shown similar benefits, reducing both ADHD and emotional symptoms (Ulusoy et al., 2024).
Combining DBT-style therapy with medication can lead to greater long-term stability than medication alone (Philipsen et al., 2015).

Moving Forward

If you’ve recently been diagnosed with ADHD, remember: your emotions aren’t 'too much' - they’re simply unfiltered.

With the right skills, you can learn to ride the waves instead of being swept away.

DBT gives you a roadmap for emotional balance, self-compassion, and lasting change.

Mindful Recovery Services will be launching Australia's first full online DBT program in February 2026. Expressions of interest are now open for this program which is designed for busy women who need their therapy to fit into their packed schedules.

To book your free inquiry call with Program Director, Alex Wilson (AMHSW), simply click here: https://calendly.com/alexwilson-mindfulrecovery/dbt-info-call

References

Halmøy, A. et al. (2022). 'DBT-based group therapy improves symptoms and quality of life in adults with ADHD.'
Ulusoy, V. et al. (2024). 'Online DBT skills training reduces ADHD and emotion regulation difficulties.'
Soler-Gutiérrez, A.M. et al. (2023). 'Emotion dysregulation as a core symptom of adult ADHD.'
Osianlis, E. et al. (2025). 'ADHD and hormones in women: a systematic review.'
Philipsen, A. et al. (2015). 'Combined medication and psychotherapy improves outcomes in adult ADHD.'